Archive for the Extra! Extra! Category

America’s Alleged Favorite Past Time…

Posted in Bigmouth Strikes Again, Everyday Musings, Extra! Extra!, Sports? Really?! with tags , , , on December 17, 2007 by Dan

Baseball has long been my favorite sport. Mostly because it was the only sport white dorks like myself could have any possible chance at being successful in. Growing up, I loved little league and relished in being a short stop like my hero Cal Ripken Jr. To me, baseball was pure and when you are a young whippersnapper, you aren’t very interested in the dirty laundry associated with the “business” end of it. Why would that interest a child? We just liked watching our idols belt balls into the bleachers and watch the mascot trip and land on the bat boy. Baseball used to be (to me, anyway) innocent and playful.

In recent times, however, the sport and its athletes are in a constant struggle to regain the public’s acceptance and respect. The opinions of the “organization” as a whole are largely in the toilet and on the surface, it’s easy to see why. Steroids have tainted the game for the past few years and now with the release of the Mitchell Report, the ugliness behind the sport can no longer be avoided (at least according to George Mitchell and Jose Conseco). Obviously this scandal has proved to be very bad for baseball’s public relations, but in the days following this report I picked up on something that has long been my theory as to why the fans are no longer backing baseball the way they used to.

Roger Clemens was without a doubt the biggest name mentioned George Mitchell’s investigation (Barry Bonds doesn’t count; no one had any doubts about his appearance on that list). Not surprisingly, he denied the allegations ferociously. His name was mentioned numerous times throughout the report (the most of any other player I believe) for injecting needles into his posterior for help with his pitching, according to Radomski (the former Mets’ trainer who is the focal point of the accusations in Mitchell’s accusations) and several others. What was disturbing to me, however, was not that Clemens was mentioned (anyone entering their prime at forty-years-old is suspicious). What is annoying to me is that Clemens denied these reports through his lawyer. And there inlays the problem with professional athletes these days. Because it is a business more than it is a sport, baseball is constantly defending itself through the mouths of lawyers and agents. This constant distance from the players continues to destroy the sport’s reputation and image within the public arena. Rather than man up to his responsibility and attempt to squash these claims himself, Clemens has his lawyer speak for him, which only reinforces his guilt in the eyes of the fans.

Now, obviously, since speaking openly about this report has legal ramifications, Clemens (and the other players that will soon be spending the rest of their days proving these claims as false) can’t really be as discrete as he possible could. But let’s not kid ourselves here…this is far from being the first example of players staying behind the curtains while their financial representatives tell us what we need to expect out of the players and the sport. They tell us the “truth” behind rumors and spend their days counting their clients money while we grow increasingly frustrated with the fact that our favorite players just can’t speak to us directly. Everything is top secret in the sport and the fans are forced to decipher their instincts and intuitions from the press releases of people that are more interested in maintaining a profit than defending the sanctity of the game.

What’s so disheartening about this aspect of the “game” is that the players don’t even seem to care about this barrier. No one seems to make an effort to address the fans and let them know what their story is. If Clemens had come out and told the public HIMSELF that he was innocent, we’d be more simpathetic to his case and be more graceful with our insults. By making his lawyer do all the talking, people will continue to blast his reputation and unless he actively convinces us he is not guilty, we will continue to doubt him unconditionally. Because, well, why wouldn’t we? As far as we’re concerned, he’s just another rich athlete that cheated. There is no personal level that we can relate to him on. Ditto for all of the other players mentioned.

It’s why people hate Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez. They are constantly reinforcing their mistakes by not addressing them. Each time they avoid the interview or avoid the camera, they are only making themselves seem cold, distant, and isolated from the fans of baseball. Which, understandably, pisses the fans off. And, as stated earlier, the players don’t seem to care that it pisses us off. Which is, again, another ingredient to the overall problem with baseball today.

Next time some overpaid clown tries to deny steroid use through someone other than himself, he shouldn’t be surprised when the public refuses to accept their side the story. Act like a man and tell us yourself. Then, maybe, we will begin to love the sport again.

(Ed. Note: There is an exception to this argument…Curt Schilling. He has a blog called “38 Pitches” that he writes himself. It’s a great way to get to know him both as a player and as a person. Now, if every famed player followed suit, we’d be set.)

Music Industry Fat Cats Vs. The US…

Posted in Bigmouth Strikes Again, Extra! Extra!, Music Related with tags , , , , , , , on November 13, 2007 by Dan

In the on-going battle that has pitted the listener against music industry executives, a new piece of legislation is about to be passed down that will further enforce stricter limitations of file sharing and “illegal” downloading. They have sharpened their scope this time, however, specifically on college students. The new advancement will be titled the College Opportunity and Affordability Act of 2007, because one of the first words that pops up when I think about laws limiting our options to hear music is opportunity. According to an article on Prefix Magazine’s online site, Representative George Miller, the man proposing this “opportunity”, claims the bill will do the following:

- Direct colleges to inform students and employees about policies and procedures involving illegal downloading and file sharing.
- Require colleges to develop plans for alternatives to online bootlegging to be offered students and plans for exploring technology-based bootlegging deterrents.
- Authorize the Secretary of Education to award grants to institutions of higher learning for developing piracy prevention and education programs.

This, along with the discovery that my favorite torrent downloading site Demonoid has been shut down by the CRIA, put in a bad mood today. What this proposed legislation means is that they will be forcing already broke college students to spend money to download music. College kids, who can’t even afford to wipe their own ass, are being asked, politely I might add, to discover alternative and safer ways to enjoy their music. Translation: “If you don’t pay through your school’s plan, we’ll find you and throw you into a nice comfy jail cell. Because stealing music is wrong, and it not only hurts the artists, but it hurts the music as well!”

Please, spare us. I’m getting tired of hearing that same argument when it comes to this, well, argument. Artists getting fucked is nothing new, in the least. The labels and executives have been doing it to the artists ever since the concept of music as a commodity came into fashion (the ’50s). The difference now is that it isn’t them doing the fucking anymore; it’s the consumer. And man, the industry is pissed and filled with jealousy. Which is to be expected when anyone finds out their sex buddy is in bed with someone else.

The artists usually get less than ten cents of every album sold. The industry standard is around seven cents. That means that even a multi-platinum selling artist really only makes enough to pay off recording costs, video expenses, and distribution charges. Then, they have to use whatever is left after that to pay their managers, producers, tour managers, etc. Since it’s hard to duplicate a platinum album (unless you’re someone like Beyonce), it’s entirely common for an artist to go broke fairly quickly, even after a massively successful hit album or song. That’s because when the industry is done fucking them, they kick them out onto the street. They have to get up early in the morning I guess.

Where an artist really makes their living is through concert sales anyway. Shows are how these bands and songwriters keep their heads afloat, not record sales. And tons of artists have flourished due to online downloading. Online buzz is the best way to get people to come to your shows, and so now the game has a changed quite a bit. Back in the 80s and 70s, “underground” music truly meant underground. You basically had to dig a hole into the middle of an east village street to see some of those bands. “Underground” today is not the same moniker it meant back in those days. Thanks to the Internet, the music scene is now more accessible and more available (therefore, more interesting). You don’t have to suffer through top 40 radio or shitty breakup songs on MTV if you don’t want to. There are thousands of other places to go to find good, new music.

So, given that, the only major difference this whole illegal file sharing fiasco has made is that it is taking the profits away from the labels and the executives. If you were to ask any person that isn’t behind the artists’ back, ready and willing to insert for their monies, they would say screw those greedy assholes. No one cares about Tommy Mottola. Nobody.

And if you still need proof that the top brass who “give” you your music are shady and deceitful, you needn’t look any further than the current Radiohead/EMI debacle. Since Radiohead went on their own to release their new album and dropped EMI Records in the process, EMI took it upon themselves to release all of Radiohead’s past seven albums (that were made with EMI) as one big, overpriced box set to compete with the release of In Rainbows. They also created a false link that stated you could buy the new album as part of the box set, which, of course, it isn’t.

Yeah, and we’re supposed to be on their side.

Live From India, It’s Elephant Aid!…

Posted in Everyday Musings, Extra! Extra! on November 9, 2007 by Dan

Paris Hilton is starting to use her status to do some good in the world for a change. I know she’s been traveling to god knows where doing god knows what to make up for her jail stint, but I found this quote from her and it has really opened my eyes to an epidemic that isn’t really getting any mainstream media attention these days:

“There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn’t chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad. The biggest problems are in Assam and Meghalaya. The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”

Alcoholic elephants? When did this start? All this time there’s been a drinking problem amongst the elephant population and there hasn’t even been a single news piece alerting us of this problem? I remember that coke outbreak with the squirrels a few years back but this is very different. Paris is right, we have to do something about these lushes. Forget Darfur and the Middle East, it’s time we use our power to accomplish some real change. I bet it’s those lazy liquor store managers. They never ID and now underage elephants are excessively drinking and ruining the villages with spilled martinis and used condoms.

And how much booze must be required to get an elephant shit faced? A lot I’m guessing. That’s a whole lotta alcohol being wasted on these behemoths. Alcohol that could be being used to destroy towns and villages over here in the US instead.

After learning of this startling revelation from Paris, I did some statistical research. As it turns out, elephant fights in India have increased by twenty percent in the past year, while anonymous sex and public urination have increased by nearly thirty percent.

They Just Don’t Make Fetishes Like This Anymore…

Posted in Everyday Musings, Extra! Extra! on November 7, 2007 by Dan

So there’s this story evolving over in Scotland that has caught my interest. Not because of the weirdness of the act in question, but because of the potential consequences. The story goes like this: guy gets caught in a hotel room attempting to have sex with a bicycle (yes, you read that correctly), freaked-out people call the police, guy goes on trial for breach of “sexual peace” (I wonder if they give out Nobel Peace Prizes for that category, too).

Apparently he wasn’t answering the door after several knocks so the cleaning service people barged into the room and saw Robert Stewart (the name doesn’t help his case) on his bed with the bike, naked from the waist down thrusting himself into the bike, simulating sex. I’m not even sure how sex with a bike is possible. We’ve been trying to figure out the mechanics of it all day today at work. I guess that all depends on whether it was a girls’ bike or a boys’ bike.

The saddest part of this, and the part that no one seems to be disputing, is the fact that they are trying to put this guy in jail. They are actually wasting jail space on something as stupid as this. What’s so disturbing about seeing a guy hump a bike? Crazy, yes, but prison-worthy? What this guy needs is a psychiatrist, not a place that will only reinforce his sexual insecurities.

You put someone in jail for doing something that harms someone or something else. Inanimate objects don’t have feelings. It is impossible to make them feel bad, let alone violate them. When I was six I tried to make my Winnie The Pooh stuffed bear jealous after I told him I was going to start playing with my Transformers action figures more. He didn’t seem to care much.

Stewart banging out a bike in the comfort of his own rented, seedy hotel room is his own business. It’s not harming anyone (unless he gets his own pecker caught in one of the gears). Stop humiliating this guy in public just because it makes you (the news people and that hotel staff) feel like upstanding citizens. There are way more people that deserve to be in jail instead of this guy.

Like that guy that got caught humping pavements in ‘93. Sicko.

 

Here’s the link to the news story if you’re interested (you know you are):

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml